First Guest Post!

I thought I would share a wonderfully written testimony as our first guest post. We won't have many guest post, but this one was too good to pass up. God bless!  - Sarah

Learning to Love- A Story of Hope
Written by Anonymous



"Dear, Little baby inside, I'm trying to love you.

I want to love you.

My guilt is outweighing the love I should have for you. My heart aches. Your life was an accident. A sad accident that has brought me doubt. How could I ever say that I don't want you, yet I have no idea how to love you?

I wish to love you. Maybe someday I will love you. Right now, my fear is much stronger than my confidence. Please, little baby. Give me time. Give me forgiveness"


A few years ago I wrote this letter knowing my child would never see it. I wrote this because the notion of abortion laid heavily upon me. I would not abort- that was my hard-fast decision. But I still did not want this child.  I was too young, I thought. I was barely out of high school. My life was just starting! Each weekend I watched my friends living it up, and I knew my time for adventure was quickly ending.

Why me? Other girls mess around and they don't get pregnant? Why did I? Wasn't I being sexually responsible?  I cried, I self pitied, I prayed to wake up from the nightmare. I told only a few, very close friends. This baby was my secret. And it stayed that way....for awhile at least.

The day came where I had to go home and tell my parents. I shook as I boarded the plane from my college town. How could I tell them? I thought of their reactions. Would they yell? Would she slap me? Would he humiliate me? Find courage, I thought. This little life need courage even more than love right now. One breath at a time.

Their initial reaction, whatever that may be, would be justified (I gave myself a pep talk). Deep breathing, and speak clearly. I fully expected to be ambushed with questions and words of guilt. Instead though, I was greeted with a lot of love. They loved me anyway. They weren't mad- maybe a little disappointed, but not mad. It was a small relief but nothing compared to the fear of my future and overwhelming sense of shame.

My mom took me for an ultrasound. I was 6 months along. It was a boy! Great- but I still didn't love him. I felt nothing but emptiness.

Another month passed, he was growing and thriving, and I decided to keep him instead of giving him up for adoption. Slowly making those choices, I finally started to feel a small amount a hope. Maybe my life wasn't ruined, just different, maybe even a little bit better.

At 9 months, my baby would be born at any moment. I set up a little bassinet for him next to my bed, and bought a car seat. My boyfriend would come around from time to time. He was loving, but preferred the adoption route and gave me little emotional support. I was on my own with this, but that was okay- I had confidence and I believed my love for my baby would only grow in time.

My love did grow. It grew until I was overflowing with it. My baby boy was born and he was little and perfect. He was beautiful. I starred at him for hours that first night. I loved him more than I had ever loved anybody else. I cried out all of my sorrows and fears onto his little bundled body. He was my future and I whispered in his tiny perfect ear, "to my little baby in my arms, I will love you forever."